So tomorrow I go to the surgeon to see what do we do next. My stress level is off the charts. I am not sleeping, I am losing my mind, I am crying over stupid ass shit.
So keep your chin up, don't worry, it will all work out. These are all things that are so easy to say but not so easy to follow.
I am a very strong person. I usually don't let small things get to me but lately everything has gotten to me. Every time I turn around I feel someone has hurt me or I hurt them. I have never had a problem, telling how I feel or saying what is on my mind and yet as of late I cant even seem to form the words. Maybe it's because there is so little room left for anything else. My heart is heavy and my mind is full.
I am praying that after tomorrow or in the very least a few weeks I will finally have answers and get back to being me and not this crazy, insane, shell of a person who is faking her way through every day.
Like I have said many times I am a survivor. I will defeat anything that stands in my way. I learn from every lesson that I am meant to be taught weather I want to learn it or not. I just wish every now and again I get to write the lesson plan. LOL
Don't count me out no matter what. The first time you underestimate me and my strength you will be severely disappointed.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Hard to Smile
Sometimes it is hard to smile when you feel like there is no one who wants you. All women want to feel attractive to someone. We want to know that someone out there would like to be with us. We want to feel desired and beautiful.
Are looks that important no, but if someone tells you that they don't care what they look like they are lieing. If that is the case then why did they bother to do their hair and put on make-up. why are they dressing in something that is flattering? It is because we are hoping that someone will notice how we look and give us a compliment.
It's hard to smile when you are stressed about how an appointment could change the way rest of your life will go. Of course no matter what I will pick myself up and move on.
It's hard to smile when someone who means the world to you, you don't mean anything to them. They have no clue that you can see through the lies that they tell and expect you to believe. They are clueless to the fact that the lies they tell are hurting you and you pretend to smile. They don't even notice when the way you speak to them has changed nor do they bother to ask why... well I guess they can't because it doesn't mean enough that they noticed at all anyway. They can't see how when they do certain things a little piece of you dies. Well it doesn't matter and to those people I say to bad.. it's your damn loss.
It's hard to smile when all you want to do is cry. I will let my smile stay in place and pretend that it is all ok. I will continue to help others smile and make their day better in any way I can. If I can't be happy at least I can help others be that way.
Yes this wasn't all happy and joy but the last few weeks I just can't bring myself to be. I will come out the other end with a real genuine smile you can count on that. Things may get me down from time to time but I will be damned if I let them keep me there.
Are looks that important no, but if someone tells you that they don't care what they look like they are lieing. If that is the case then why did they bother to do their hair and put on make-up. why are they dressing in something that is flattering? It is because we are hoping that someone will notice how we look and give us a compliment.
It's hard to smile when you are stressed about how an appointment could change the way rest of your life will go. Of course no matter what I will pick myself up and move on.
It's hard to smile when someone who means the world to you, you don't mean anything to them. They have no clue that you can see through the lies that they tell and expect you to believe. They are clueless to the fact that the lies they tell are hurting you and you pretend to smile. They don't even notice when the way you speak to them has changed nor do they bother to ask why... well I guess they can't because it doesn't mean enough that they noticed at all anyway. They can't see how when they do certain things a little piece of you dies. Well it doesn't matter and to those people I say to bad.. it's your damn loss.
It's hard to smile when all you want to do is cry. I will let my smile stay in place and pretend that it is all ok. I will continue to help others smile and make their day better in any way I can. If I can't be happy at least I can help others be that way.
Yes this wasn't all happy and joy but the last few weeks I just can't bring myself to be. I will come out the other end with a real genuine smile you can count on that. Things may get me down from time to time but I will be damned if I let them keep me there.
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